do we do singing telegrams? oh, yeah!

completely professional, clean & perfect every time.
these go beyond telegrams you've ever seen or heard about.
they are mini stage shows up close & personal!

each booked singing telegram includes the following
... character of your choice & full show
... bottle of champagne or lindor chocolates
... card with your custom message inside
... copy of the custom written song
... comic search for the guest of honour
... intro song or act to set the mood
... interaction with the guests on entrance & exit
... confident, professionally abrupt entrance into the venue

... the highlight of the 10-15 minute show is the performance
& custom written song from information you provide!

... 3 guests will special prizes by answering mystery questions

we are committed to making your event unforgettable!

celebrations at home or at the office, anniversaries, valentines day, new job’s, graduations, retirements, our comic telegram’s have been performed at schools, businesses, homes, pubs, sports clubs, universities, corporations with telegrams for ceo’s to teens - vegetarians to carnivores - chimney sweeps to scientists - men, women, children & everything in between!

 



hello daddy!


marilyn is an absolute sweetheart with a sizzle that will leave them breathless. she charms the ladies & gents alike. marilyn has a comeback for anything that anyone throws her way... she's great at improv & is a cheeky cutesy version of marilyn - just a little shorter!
tons of hilarious blonde humour with ultimate appeal. great for home or office.

marilyn’s highlights:

... coos a sultry & silly “let me entertain you” using her feather boa to fluff, hang, wrap & spin around our victim.
... big show song to “my guy” with audience participation
... closes with “mr. president” diddy
... big ruby red lips left on his cheek & forehead
... sits on his knee for lots of kodak moments
 





wella bless my soul!

we may think she is almost elvis but this character thinks she is elvis. the wannabe “king of rock & roll” comes complete with sideburns, dark glasses, gold rings,
chain necklaces, big hair & southern accent... not too mention a superb costume. she suggests people to “elvis themselves up a bit” as she "fixes" them up on her way to our victim. elvis liked women so much...
he thought he'd come back as one.

lady elvis highlights:

... very funny casual entrance "thanking" everybody
... a throaty rendition of “heartbreak hotel” as an opener
... with “elvis cracks” & choice “roasting” she belts out the show stopper song to a finger-snappin’ “teddy bear”
... she leaves a very special surprise gift

comic female elvis impersonators in this town are a real rarity & this one is a kick! kelly took this one to vegas!
 





oooooh ricki!

this red-head has the voice, manner, personality, laugh & clumsy spunk of a timeless favourite. lucy is unique, she blends "act-o-gram" with " telegram". she might perform a version of the in vit-a-vitamin routine or dazzle you will clumsiness. all of her chatter is custom created for each event. fantastic improv with the audience.

lucille ball highlights:

... the custom song of course is the show stopper
... the rest is completely spontaneous. it is as much of a surprise to lucy as it is to you. it's one of her favourites.

the secret of staying young is to live honestly,
eat slowly, & lie about your age.
- - - - Lucille Ball
 




arrrrriba!

cha cha is a latin “hotamali” with a daring outfit, a head of fruit & is ready to mambo her way into any situation. she does a comic flamenco dance as her intro with a lot of delightful latino spoofing. this character is not for the low key party! she is loud & fabulous. she loves life, everything in it & is amazed by "our canadian culture"!

cha cha’s highlights:

... cucaracha’s & flamenco's her way into the event room
... an ultimately embarassing dance with our victim
... lots of latin hugs, kisses & squeezes
... comments how cute the chico’s are here in canada!
... fires off a charming tropical jokes
... gets our boy to stand up & do a “shakie-shakie” with her (photo-op!) saying “i yaii yaii like you very much!”
... closes with “cuchi-cuchi happy birthday”
 




“ just for the health of it”


our mixed up lovable nurse will help anyone feel better. she try’s to assess "bodily damage" with crazy props.
she has plungers, oversized stethoscopes, a giant tongue depressor & bandage, a bed pan (which in this case is the birthday hat), miniature nursing kit & more! great for people in the healthcare industry, retirement homes, folks with health troubles & generally people that you think need a fixin’. hilarious bedside humour.

nurse enema highlights:

... her character is a little overworked
... opens the show with absurd self-deprecating humour
... constantly checking guests for "optimal health"
... finds victim & starts various reflex, sight, physical & brain tests
... strange gags & jokes you'll never want to hear again
... uses personal & relevant "medical" context.
 




i refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two,
even if that does make my sons illegitimate.
- - - - lady nancy astor

this miserable old sot cries when someone gets older, is retiring or leaving the company. after her laughable & tortured opening she gets uplifted singing us the virtues of us why getting older/retiring is better. tons of hilarious
& light-hearted aging humour. great for retirement, birthday's or re-locations.

boo hoo weeper highlights:

...wears a black veiled mourning outfit with white wig
... she cries fake tears (you'll have to see in person)
... show song custom written to the beatles' “yesterday”!
... boo-hoo asks our gust of honour a series of skill testing questions seeing if they “still got their game”
... as part of her routine she uses a bull horn
 




unveil the beauty!

our arabian lilytoad is an absolute maniac.
she has a dual personality that will leave the victim wondering what hit him. she is an "apparently" attractive woman who has been hired to do something a little special. our sheik anticipates the best but he should be expecting the worst. she is disguised as a lovely dancer but as her veils come off her true self shines through... everybody knows what he’s about to get but him!
best for home parties where time is not an issue.

lilytoad highlights:

... beautiful belly dancer outfit with detachable veils
... she dances off her scarves one by one
& wraps them around him... his luck is about to run out.
... her last scarf, is taken off behind his back so that all can see but him (don't spoil the surprise!)
... after the big laugh she introduces herself in a terribly raspy new jersey accent asking him “what were you expectin’ honey?” as she snorts with laughter.
... after a little bit of friendly ribbing she moves into the custom show song with “my guy”
 




send in the clowns!

kellbells is out top clown ‘cause she is the boss! kellbells is a beautiful clown that will do a few magic tricks & a couple punny jokes about our guest of honour. remember kellbells is an award winning clown both in the u.s & canada. she is a wonderful performer & great for kids, teens & us mature folks who still believe in clowns.

kellbells highlights:

... full face, full costume professional circus clown
greetings to everyone & interaction with guests
... kellbells makes them a quadrooople balloon hat
& does a couple terrific magic tricks
... if our guest of honour is willing she paints a gorgeous cheek or arm tattoo (check out our faces painting page)
... kellbells sings a wonderful but strange show song!
... & yes there are odd-ball antics for all to appreciate!
 

 





you are under arrest!

kelly has no training whatsoever as a cop but she is pretty convincing for the first few seconds & that’s all we need to pull off this telegram. kelly gets info on our victim - an actual past offense like a speeding ticket or violations. this is used to get them sweating off the top. then we get to the fun stuff.

kelly kop highlights:

... 20 seconds of suspended belief our victim is charged!
(but he is far to cute to be getting a ticket)
... goes right into silly kop gags & skits
... most of the show is improv that is sure to get the people who booked it in hot water
... the big jokes are in the custom song sung to "my guy”
... kop brings along a glue gun for sticky situations
 




loco de la capesa... translated... crazy in the head!

one of my favourites is mariachi maxy... really, just take a look at her... she’s about to burst or get ready to work the tequilla. she was actually developed to do a marriage proposal to a beautiful latin lady that said yes! she has lots of trouble with her english leading to the funniest spontaneous moments of the show.
she's a mexican - not a mexican't

maxy’s highlights:

... 3 amigo mariachi outfit & cucuracha’s
... greetings to everyone, even all the gringo’s,
... she begins strumming on her guitar as if she will begin her serenade when things start to fall apart.
(we won't give all of it away here)
... odd spanish/english translations taped to her guitar
... often shoots her pistola to honour the special day.
 




 
 
 
 




no body loves him more than himself!

a total ladies man. a casinova, love hound, a riot! this character is a total sweetheart that loves to love the guest of honour. he needs someone to join him on his life & love adventures so... watch out! he'll convince even the most hardy woman to sail away.

don juan highlights:

... he wants love. to love you. to love him. to love love
... he may be a rogue but he sizzles with machismo
... making eyes & hand kissing woman & men alike until he comes upon the enchantress.
... introduces himself but let’s you know this is a private affair between the guest of honour & he. but since you are all her... well... join in when you can.
... don gives the men or women at the event a test to see if they really know how to love a woman. this is where special prizes are handed out!
... there's a little bit of dancing too.
 




if there is a character that you are looking for & none of the above fit your program... let us know & we'll create it.
 
 
 




anything goes here.
fantastic set-ups at business or large private functions.
anything from the cranky customer to the clumsy waiter. a drunk guest at a party or a new untrainable employee.
get them when they least expect it while they play along.


   

p.o. box 325 breslau, ont. canada, nob 1m0 519.729.5943 (text or tele)

Email: kellysklowns@gmail.com

All contents © copyright 2012 Kelly's Klowns. All rights reserved.